pride month

Posted on by lgbt+girl

This month is Pride month though it feels a bit odd. Normally I would go to the canal pride, somewhere, or go to some kind of party but at least do something. Now I feel like I can’t do more then post something on the internet. Which just doesn’t quite feel enough.

Througout this year there have been quite a lot of serious homofhobic actions around the Netherlands. One of which gets really close. The town I live in has a religous high school that’s been in the news a few times to many. At this school students where forced to come out, and forbidden to act on their feelings. They where told if they would keep on having a relationship with the same gender, they would not be able to graduate. As much as I support everyone to have their own believes, this is outrages.

It is grazy to hear about teenagers being harrazed like this. Being forced to come out in what could have been an unsafe situation for them. Treated with discust.. It did not end there. This school states afterwards, that the lgbtq+ students feel safe at their school.

Which demonished the feelings of a lot of lgbt+ students who did not in fact feel safe there.

Unfortunatly this is just one of many things to happen.

This month my heart goes out to all teenagers scared to come out, because of their parents, religoun, school, friends or any other reason. My heart goes out to teenagers in unsafe situations because of their sexuality. I really do hope something will change some day.

No big deal

Posted on by lgbt+girl

So I just found out through Colleen Ballinger, that her sister “came out” as gay on her channel. Most of you guys probably already knew, I didn’t, watch her vlogs every once in a while, but mostly I watch her mainchannel. So I heard Colleen say something about coming out and I went in to full search mode. Searching the clip where Rachel Ballinger went “hi, i’m gay” or a video called “i’m coming out” or anything related to this subject. Guess what? I couldn’t find one. That’s not because she is not gay, or she did not “come out”. It’s more so because she did not make it in to this really big deal.

In one of her normal vlogs she just said “I’m going on trip with my girlfriend on valentines day”. That was it. She came out, yet she didn’t. I think it is amazing! That’s what we should all eventually have to do. Instead of making it in to a big deal, just casually drop it somewhere in a conversation.

As much as I support this! I also know from experience, it is just a big deal in some cases. The way Rachel did it, does not suit everyone. If it feels like a big deal to yourself, by all means make it in to a big deal for others too! Why not share the big deal with friends and family instead of carrying it all by yourself.

One day, when I’m old and have lived a long time. I will look back at this and think. Yes, people can now decide for themselves what is or isn’t a big deal. But it will not be assumed as a big deal anymore.

picture: Rachel and Colleen ballinger (from pinterest)

spring!

Posted on by lgbt+girl

A full week of snow. The whole town white as can be. It doesn’t snow that much here in the Netherlands. Suddenly it was so busy outside. Everything has been closed for the last couple of months here as part of a full lockdown. Pirmary schools are open though. But all the fun stuff, shops, everything is closed. So people went crazy for something to do. Kids went sledding. Teens went iceskating and overall everyone went outside for a walk.

It was fun for a bit, but a week was more then enough. I’m not a winter kind of person.. I like the summer most of all.
Snow melted, everything was wet, en nasty because of this snow.. but then.. It feels a bit odd. One day it’s cold and white the next day it’s litteraly spring. Quite warm and sunny. which ofcourse is pretty dutch…

I love that spring is starting again. Spring is the season of love. The season of birth, happiness. I love going outside, meeting people, seeing people. But this was not why I started this post.

Today I realized something funny. My whole state of mind changes when it comes to the wether. Like at this point, I feel like doing a lot of things, going out, but also falling in love I guess. Then I thought some more about this last bit. I noticed everytime I fell for someone was around spring. So many people think them still being single is caused by something other then themselves. I guess what I noticed today is the fact that it is more caused by your state of mind. This state of mind is unknowingly a choice. that means that you could change that about yourself. Moral of this story, if you are not getting what you want. Seek the sollution inside yourself first. There is far more going on inside your head then you could ever imagine.

For now, enjoy the nice wether and let’s hope it lasts a long time!

been to long

Posted on by lgbt+girl

Here I am, sitting in my room after three years of not writing any posts. I honestly didn’t think I would ever write another post for this blog ever again. I don’t think I’ve even been on this account since my last post. Tonight as I sit in my room listening to some music, I suddenly felt the urge to write something.

It probably has something to do with the whole pandemic that’s going on, right? I mean is there anything going on that is not caused by the pandemic? All of the online lessons, no company from friends, not going out, no dating anymore. gosh it’s a hard live.

In all seriousness, I thought it would be funn to look back on some things. I was so “little” so “unexperienced” about the LGBTQ+ community back then. When I started this blog I even went trough life as a bisexual. If you did not read any other articles of mine, I am not bisexual at all. I mean it’s all good if you are! I’m just very much gay, a lesbian all the way. I do feel like The last post on here was about my first ever gay pride. This was my last post because I wasn’t sure what to talk about anymore. My life seemed to go so smoothly, also I didn’t feel like I had enough experience in “lgbtq love”. Which unfortunatly hasn’t changed quite that much to be honest.

However since then I have become an aunt to this wonderfull little girl, which made me think about my own children some day. I’ve been reading in to the whole process of getting children whenever you’re not a mainstream family, this can be as a women alone, or in co- parenting with some one else (or a couple). Either way, it is a harder process to go trough then the mainstream way to have children. I’ve been thinking about how it’s going to be, but first I have to finish my degree.

That’s all for tonight, I do know this post is a bunch of thoughts compacted together. So it might not be too plessant to read, but then again I write this for me. Maybe I’ll post something later again ;). Stay safe

My first ever gaypride!!

Posted on by lgbt+girl

So I guess I should have written this earlier.. I guess you could say I’m a really bad lgbt blogger for not posting anything around pride month.. and I guess I am.. I just didn’t have enough to write about.. but I think I may have been to hard on myself.. I am going to write something about my first gaypride ever.

I must tell you.. I’m extremely excited, maybe even a little bit nervous. I have no idea what i’m getting myself into.. and not knowing is usually a bad thing for me. but this time I’m over the moon. I picture this canal pride like a relief almost.. a place where I can be me. A place where everyone is going to be themselves. maybe even a place where you can meet new people, get to know other “gay’s” but most of all, I picture almost everyone being either in the lgbtq+community or loving it

I guess I didn’t plan right, I had no clue where I wanted to go. So me and my group (I should tell you, 3 hard of hearing people, and 2 sight impaired(is that what you call it in English?) people. with three “normal” people) we had to follow one person who knew where we should go. which was kind of a disaster.. picture a kinda large group walking along a big crowd trying to find the right spot. Someone at the back of the line screaming where to go, except for we can’t hear them.. well yeah.. you can picture, it was kind of a chaotic mess.
by the time we got to the place where the canal pride was going to be, it was so crowded that wherever we would stand, you couldn’t really see much…

This meant that I (short as I am) could only see the top half of every boat coming by. I must say, it was kind of underwhelming for me. and I’m not sure if I really want to go again.

So here are my thoughts. I think it is very important to have a pride month, because even though we came this far with the whole understanding and accepting thing. We aren’t there yet.. It is still saver to be straight then to be lgbtq+. Even though it shouldn’t matter, it should be fine to be either way.. In the Netherlands (where I live) people tell me the whole country is accepting and understanding. I don’t think that’s quite true.. they tolerate me.. It’s fine if I like girls.. they just don’t want to see it.. or “you can do whatever you want, just don’t let my kids see”

So yes, I might go to the canal pride again, not necessarily because it was this wonderful amazing, dreamy experience, but because I think we need a pride. We need to show others that we are proud of who we are, and that should be okay. and until I won’t hear in the news about “someone got shot because they are gay” or “this man got kidnapped and manhandled because he is gay” or “lgbtq+ youth is more likely to commit suicide” until I won’t see any of those anymore, we need unfortunately need a gay pride.

three years ago!

Posted on by lgbt+girl

The post below has been written about three years ago, it has been in my drafts since then. I never intended on posting this. Not sure why I didn’t just post it. However I am posting this, because I want to make a post about kids and stuff.

I’m not sure if this post is going to be anywhere near great, I had quite a hard time describing what I meant. but really felt like writing it down, so here you go.

I always grew up with the idea of having kids, with my husband, but as I grew older that idea changed a bit. The husband part became a wife.
Even though I had always been so sure of wanting kids, I suddenly started to see that my life could also be complete without them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I don’t want kids, I’m just saying I don’t necessarily need kids.  and that now is not the time to decide. sometimes life just decides for you. I’ve learned that sometimes life doesn’t go as planned.

It’s something you learn getting older, there are a lot of things you don’t necessarily need in your life, there are things that you want in your life. There is a  difference between those two.

For example, 2 years ago I would have told you I needed a specific kind of relationship in life, to succeed. By now I’ve learned I do not really need that in my life to succeed. All I really need is some kind of love, and self-love. I used to think I needed a classical relationship (in which I mean two people who are in love and get married and that’s it) to define my worth. To get more self-confidence. How much I’m worth isn’t defined by the kind of relationships I’ve got, or anyone else. as a matter of fact, the only thing related to my self-worth is the way I look at things.